I Had A Reason to Apply Some Make-Up...

Livestream concerts are a new type of scary… An artist can’t even see the crowd that makes them nervous. Fifteen minutes before I did a fifteen-minute set on Valentines Day, I sat there thinking of the fact of lyrics, runs, notes that I would put out to people in the ripest position to outwardly judge—when scrolling on social media. You know how we do… we see minute things and judgments unleash quick… Eeowww… know she didn’t, he tried it, that background looks crazy… y’all know.

The debate of, am I going to keep this post up if I don’t like it, or am I going to pull it down immediately kept resurfacing after me kicking it out and parenting myself away from fear… I urgently decided, I can’t handle crowd interaction this first time and I need some red in the picture to play up the whole Valentines day thing… all in the silence, and what is suddenly no longer the comfort of my own home. It’s nerve-wracking, almost more so than before meeting a huge audience of people on stage.

What actually ended up exciting me to click live though was the fact that I had a reason to get ready. I rehearsed for a couple of days with the expectancy of giving to people, which was exhilarating for the mere fact of coming out of myself during the quarantine. What really excited me was applying makeup and doing my hair. I realized I hadn’t worn makeup since last March??? You wanna talk about feeling like I was an artist… I posed, puckered, batted eyelashes, and basked in putting myself together. This pandemic has left an indelible shift in our priorities, our lifestyles, our focus, and a lot of it, we’ll find out, might be for the better, but that moment of applying make up, surely transported me to an old and friendly way of showing up for myself and others for special occasions, and it felt so super good.

The whole preparation process felt great because it was a time of getting ready to exchange with people. I felt it so strongly that I haven’t had to do that in what seems like five years, not shy of one. We are meant to be together, we are meant to feel fabulous and this virtual gig made me appreciate that preparation more now than it ever had in the past. Before, it was almost expectation and obligation. Now it was a precious gift.

So, this live stream thing is about to be on and popping, bad notes, reckless runs, occasional slip up on lyrics and all. Imma do my best to talk, connect, laugh and chill with y’all because for real… we need that. I need it, and a reason to do my hair and makeup. So, I’ll see you again at the end of the month. I mean, if you’re going to come and do the voyeuristic thing… I get that, but I am excited about those coming to talk and hang out with me.