Why I wrote Maximum Capacity...

I was in a relationship that was headed to its ending. Being in my forties with no other prospects, an ending relationship was a new type of devastation that I hadn’t experienced in past break ups. Looking ahead at a future alone can only give peace if one is solidly in love with one’s self. This was not the case with me and for the first time in my life, I knew I was a definite contributing factor to why the relationship was not working. After many years alone and simply not focusing on coming together with someone, once becoming involved, I could see clearly how my past traumas were unresolved and causing me to apply pressure, be co-dependent and filled with preconceived notions and expectations of what a relationship should look like. I had trust issues and was drowning in very carefully covered personal insecurities. I saw myself as a broken toy in that I didn’t believe in myself nor the fact that I could realize my purpose without connection and partnership with someone else. When I finally sensed that my self worth was low, I felt naked and soaking in truth, but strangely relieved to see how empty I was of self love and how full of negative thought patterns, ego, anxiety, fear, excuses. It was a tough but honest head space.

I heard Gotye’s “Somebody that I Used To Know” one Sunday morning, and the lyrics to the song inspired me to look at why a friendship that loved was slipping through my fingers. Writing the song made me look at my delusion and call it that. As I penned the song, I became more clear that all was beautiful, the blank space, was all for me to fill. I needed to listen, look, hear, grow. I saw myself idolizing a person who was clearly not giving equally to what we had. Writing the song posed the question for the first time, why would you do that?

The strange thing was that as much as I had little self worth within the parameters of a relationship, I was more confident in myself as a musician and professionally. It made sense that my proficiency and competence were in areas where I had focused my attentions on.

We are living in a time when being single is common and simple; relationships are time-consuming and dating is like a huge game of memory, and finding your match feels damn near impossible, so I think I turned that side of myself off and focused on professional growth and making music.

Prayer and God became a huge part of understanding myself. This was pretty simple: I asked for wisdom and anointing, and I leaned hard into music, which gave me access to one part of my life that made me genuinely happy. I listened to Phillip Lewis play the keys at Church of The Oranges. He played solos in addition to his being the MD at the church. His sensationally-slick funkish, jazz-infused, Hancock-influenced performances and his delicate style of beautifying hymns, making notes run, stream, mount and fight really told the tale that he was deep into the art of keys. I was shook approaching him to work.

He listened to old projects on my external hard drive, liked my work and we scheduled to record once I wrote to his tracks. I don’t think he knew or cared that I was nervous as hell. He knew nothing about my relationship or what I was slowly realizing about my perception of myself.

When I walked into the studio... I always immediately felt as if I was supposed to be there. He edited phrases humbly, we recorded efficiently and I would get the text with the mixed song within two or three days that I had done a great job. The simplicity of those sessions and the beauty that came out of them is why our work has by far been music that I am most proud of.. we've made rock, disco, pop-country, r&b and acoustic songs, and it is my pleasure to introduce the co-writer of Maximum Capacity.

Life was full of dichotomy when I wrote Max Capacity. I was at a serious deficit in one aspect of my experience and growing in another. This taught me to cling to growth, happiness, listen to wisdom, write my thoughts and seek the only person who there can never be a maximum capacity. God. And he proceeded to show me the unlimited love have to offer.